I feel like the walls have been slowly closing in on me. I blog to get my stresses out and it does help especially after I go back and re-read my feelings. It is so strange how that works. I have been under a ton of stress lately and it sucks. When I am with my kids I have to act like everything is okay and that can be so draining at times. My 1st stress is finances. I hate that money has such control over everything in life. As soon as I feel okay we got this under control something else hits me in the mail and I'm like "shit!! Really?". I am trying really hard to work our finances and I hope one of these days it will smooth out better. I have always been a positive person, "everything happens for a reason" has been my motto for all my life and has really helped me stay positive and get through the storms. I keep telling myself over and over "everything happens for a reason" this too shall pass and things will start getting better........... will they? I find negative nancy peeking in a bit more these days and I really hate her. I guess there comes a time in your life that what you have always done may not work anymore. Could this be that time for me?
My 2nd stress is my daughter Emilee. 6 years old and acts like she is 20 at times. I swear she is pushing my buttons way too far and I am so confused how to handle things with her anymore. It isnt easy being a parent at least for me it hasn't come naturally . I know I hear some moms like oh it is such a joy and so rewarding. I see the rewarding end of it sometimes but JOY not so much yet with this one. We are going to be taking her to a psychologist and I am hoping her working with them will help her and she will turn this magic corner soon. I hope and pray it isn't something serious and it is just her stubborness. I get a call at least once a week from school and it makes my heart ache because I want so much for her and want her to be happy and carefree and not stress so much at such a young age. She has some anger issues and emotional issues that I am trying to learn how to cope with and help her with. I will say one thing that has come of all this is my patience has gotten better and me controlling myself has gotten better. I try to not to get so angry so fast and sit and talk with her to see what is going on in her head instead of . It is just so heart breaking knowing something isn't right with your kid and you can't just erase it and make it all better.
Obviously stressing about my weight loss and all that too. Have been trying to stick with it and it has been rough because all the extra stresses just make me want to sit on the couch and cry or eat. I use to work out when I was stressed and I am not sure why that has stopped and I need to start doing that again but I think physically/mentally I am drained right now all over. I am reading a book about positive thinking so I am hoping it will give me some ideas that will help. I am also thinking of starting with a counselor. I know this will pass and time will heal all and I know that I must stay positive and kick the rest to the curb. I will get through it and will come out stronger.
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