Sabotage!!- Emotional

It happens to us all, tons of stress and we get Emotional and Sabotage ourselves! Or we talk ourselves into a treat way too many times....."you've worked so hard", "you deserve it", "what is one scoop of ice cream really going to do anyway?", "I'll just workout harder tomorrow to make up for it"............. That stupid voice in your head!!!! I have worked hard and I do deserve a treat every once in a while but when it becomes a daily thing it needs to stop. I catch myself every few months falling into that trap and seeing myself reverting to old ways. It is so hard to stay on track every day and for so long. I have been working on this since December of 2012 and my mentality in the beginning was - this is a life change not a diet. But right now I feel like life change? What is that? My diet has gone on so long and I just want to enjoy food again. I just want to eat a full cheeseburger or a full order of cheese fries again. I was doing so good too, food is my fuel I kept saying eat only to fuel myself for living and working out. Why does this happen? I am trying to get motivated again but there are things in life that just stress me out and make my mind wander to a place I hate. I have tried a lot of things to motivate myself but nothing is working anymore. I know I have come a far way and I only have a little more to go and I knew the last of the pounds were going to be hard but didn't realize how hard. Time to get my mind back in the game and stop letting myself sabotage myself!!!! I start today and I take it one day at a time. No more eating crap no more EXCUSES!!!!

Curve Ball!! NEW BEGINNINGS!!

Well on Friday the 18th I drank a red bull and had a horrible stomach pain from 11am until 7pm. I thought it was the carbonation of the redbull that made me feel that way. On Saturday I ate my normal breakfast and not even 15 mins later my stomach pain came back and twice as bad as the day before. Wth!!! So Saturday after work I made my hubby take me in to the Emergency room.  I swear I would rather have 20 more babies then have that pain. I couldn't get comfortable at all I wanted to kill someone. Thankfully I got some good drugs that took it all away. Found out I had gall stones and some were blocking one of the ducts and causing all the pain and swelling. They sent me home with a bunch of pills, pain pills, vallium, anti nausea medicine and spasm medicine. Also only clear liquids until I can see my doctor. Yay!!! Well Sunday morning and afternoon went well but evening pain came back . ER again!! more pain meds and I felt better. Now tell me why these f'ers sent me home again? I stayed on clear liquids only all of Monday and Tuesday still with pain but this time they gave me a stronger pain med and it worked a lot better. So Wednesday I go into the doctor and they admit me to the hospital. FINALLY!!! Wednesday was a blur pretty much pain killers all day and poking and proding . Thursday they say we are going to put you under and put stents in to see if we can get the stones out of the duct. What? Why? just take the m'fer out please!!!! Well I get back from the first surgery and find out that they are going to do a 2nd surgery later in the day to remove the gall bladder because it was full of stones. Awesome!!! So gall bladder is gone, pain is pretty much gone but guess what I have to go in for a 3rd and final surgery to have the stents removed because they couldn't do that at the same time as the gall bladder removal. HUH!!! Man I can't wait for that to be over. Not sure when I will have that procedure but I hope before school starts. Now after  I got released to go home I was on vacation/recovery. I was a bad bad girl all that week. I ate whatever I wanted and thoroughly enjoyed every last bite. Andy's concrete mixers with peanut butter cup, nachos, chips and salsa, crepes with chocolate and bananas, popcorn, peanut M&M's, fried pickles you name I tried it and ate it with no guilt what so ever. Well I felt like absolute crap from all the crap I was eating -drained and tired. Probably not the greatest idea after a surgery. Stupid Stupid Stupid. Guilt set in and now I am back to eating right again and let me tell you I feel a lot better. I thankfully didn't gain anything which was lucky. So back at it in the gym and eating!! I was so happy to step foot on an elliptical again on Monday morning and guess what I worked out again in the evening cause I wanted to. I really missed it. I pulled out my Jillian Michaels body revolution and the last time I did it I couldn't even make it through the whole 30 mins, this time I felt it was a bit easy and made it with now problem. First time in a while I realized how much more physically fit I am now!!! I love it!!! So I feel like a new beginning is here and I am going to set some goals again.

1st goal - I will get in my 5 -5k's I have two more to do and one of them is set in November (rotary club pie run)

2nd goal- To lose 29 lbs by the end of the year. Why 29? because in 29 lbs I will no longer be obese by my BMI. I will be overweight but NO LONGER OBESE!!!

3rd goal- Work on getting everyone in the house to eat better. More Veggies , More Fruits (got them more active now to work on the eating)

4th goal- Start 2015 off with the New Year run downtown. I wanted to do it last year and didn't so this year I am doing it.