Decisions Suck !

So I have decided not to have a trainer anymore. My husband and I have been trying really hard to get our finances in order so we can start saving and not be living paycheck to paycheck anymore. Unfortunately that means some cut backs on the extra spending. It sucks because I have really learned a lot and my trainer is awesome but we have to do what we have to do. I am confident I can take what I was taught and continue doing good. I just get nervous not having that accountability aspect there anymore. Where is that dang money tree when you need it?
I have been doing really good with my food this week, I started slacking again last week and eating a little carbs here and there and it really affects the scale. I am PMSing right now so chocolate is all I want and it sucks oh and salty. I got a bag of pork rinds to fix that craving but all that sodium is no good and makes me retain water even more. Well I guess that is the joys of being a woman. LOL
I have my 6 month check up on the 19th of this month and am looking forward to seeing the doctor and asking some questions. I also have a nutritional class which is always informative.
Counseling started on Wednesday and went very well and I really look forward to it every week. Our counselor specializes in bariatric patients so it is very nice. I for see great things with this.

WLS and Relationships!

It's amazing how much changes when you lose weight. You don't realize that it affects every aspect of your life. At least I really didn't realize until I lost it. I am still 74 lbs away from goal and can't even imagine how different it will be then too. I don't normally give advice because everyones situation is different but if anyone out there is considering WLS and have a husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend please from the beginning start counseling. Make sure to involve your significant other in everything from start to finish. I have learned my lesson on this and if there is any regret in my body right now it is that I didn't do this. I never thought it would be so hard emotionally as it is today. I am happy I did this and wouldn't change it EVER, I am proud of the accomplishments I have achieved and will never go back. I however didn't take the one person who is solid in my life , the one person who will be with me till the end ..... With me from the beginning and I am mad at myself for that. However with all that being said I have realized my error and from this point counseling begins and my journey is his journey too!!! I am looking forward to counseling and know that we will be even  stronger after this then we were and we will realize together what we need to survive and make not only ourselves better but our marriage better.

Officially lost 100 lbs !!!

I have been fighting with my scale for the past month and I finally won!!!! 218 this morning!!! Finally!!! 100 lbs gone and never to be seen again. I really thought I would never see that number. My next big goal under 200.. that I haven't seen since 1998. Still have a lot of work ahead of me but I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This journey has had it's ups and downs so far but it has all been worth it!! One thing about blogging is that I am not sure if I am repeating things from other blogs. But today I want to talk about Head Hunger. Something I have been also fighting with lately. I have had many episodes where I find myself eating something when I am not hungry. Sometimes I use the excuse I have a headache so I must need to eat something. It gets frustrating and I am working on finding something to help me stop with that. I know sometimes its because I'm bored or upset which is more emotional eating but I feel like the emotional eating is more under control. Not 100% and I really don't think I can control it 100% ever. I am trying something at work to help with head hunger , I usually keep my side drawer filled with snacks. Healthy ones like Almonds, string cheese...... etc. Well I am cleaning the drawer out and no more than one snack will be in there. I feel like the more in there the more I am wanting and eating when I am not actually hungry.  I am hoping this will help. I am really excited to get my foot boot off so I can start really pushing myself at the gym. I know I am capable of so much more and these next few months till summer I will be. I have a few 5K's lined up one in March on the 16th in Elmhurst and one on May 17th Run for the Roses in LaGrange Park. I am so excited for them and plan on NOT breaking my foot this time.

Random Thoughts

Well I have been juggling about 2 or 3 lbs for the past couple of weeks. I need to stop stepping on the scale everyday . It use to be a motivator it has now become a dictator. Dictator of my day and how I am feeling. The scale is only one measurement and I need to stop making it the only one . I measure myself too and take monthly pics those still motivate me. I also hate that the scale at home and the scale at the gym are off by 4 lbs. Thats a big difference and frustrates me. I will get over that eventually. I have gotten to a mental block that has been pissing me off, I feel like I am not going to get any lower on the scale. The constant back and forth has made me start thinking this way. I am trying to smack myself out of this but sometimes you mind is too strong. I know once my foot is healed and I can start really pushing myself more I will snap out of this and once the weather gets better too. Winter sucks!!! I guess this is a bitch fest today and I am sorry but I need to vent and typing it out is a great release for me.
I had an awesome vacation and really had some quality time spent with my girls and hubby. I just can't get over how fast these kids grow up. Emilee is such a smart little girl and I loved having conversations with her. Kaylee is at that point where I really need to be there for her emotionally. She is such a kind hearted kid and gets so emotional. I complain sometimes because I don't have a boy and girls are so hard for me but it is times like this vacation that I really appreciate them and couldn't ask for two better kids. Went sledding with them over vacation and I really sledded. I had so much fun went down the hill so many times and back up the hill and not once got out of breath!!! I don't even remember being able to do that when I was a kid. It was awesome! I was sore as hell the next day but it was worth it.
I am going to be celebrating 6 months post op this month on the 22nd. I can't believe it. I was hoping to be in Onderland by then but I know that won't happen. That's ok I will get there. The weight is coming off so much slower now and it is so hard to accept it. Zumba starts on Friday , I think I am still going to go so the girls can have some fun. I may participate but obviously not do all the jumping and stuff. 

2 lb weight gain!!! Yikes!!

Well Fridays are my weigh in days and today unfortunately I gained 2 lbs. First time gaining since Last December so it was a little downer but I am feeling better. I always say to not dwell on things and so I am going to take my own advice. I just wanted to share that even with surgery you can gain and you can mess up and you just have to learn from it and move on. I know I have been eating crap and carbs so I know what I need to do to get back on track. I found myself this morning at the gym bored as hell on the bike during my workout. I am hoping that my foot is healing and on the 2nd I get some good news and can at least start on the Elliptical again cause this is getting old real fast. I am suppose to start back with Zumba on the 11th and will be so upset if I can't. I love Zumba. So much fun and something I can do with the girls that is active. I am looking forward to today being over because I go on vacation for 11 days no work. Awesome!!! I can't wait time to organize at home clean out the junk in my cabinets and go shopping and spend some quality time with my babies!! I miss them so much through out the year. It is not easy being a mom and working full time. I get about 3.5 hours with them each day and It just isn't enough. I swear they grew up way too fast. This is why I get up at 4:30 almost every morning to go workout because I am not taking time away from them I can workout with no guilt and love that. And they get the best me in the morning and at night, well most of the time. It isn't easy balancing everything but I do my best and hope along the way I am not neglecting anyone.

Holidays & New Years Resolutions!

So the holidays are over. I made it but not happy with how I handled myself. Thanksgiving was actually worse than Christmas. I know I ate way too much of the bad stuff but I continued to exercise so I didn't gain anything but still feel pretty horrible. Out of 3 feast of nights I only got sick to my stomach one of them by eating too much. The other 2 nights I just used the cardinal rule- PROTEIN FIRST and didn't end up eating too much after that. The ham and turkey on Christmas was so good I really didn't want any of the bad stuff after that. So I have brushed myself off and am starting to crack down now. Today is a new day and I will not dwell on what is in the past!! I actually woke up this morning and went to workout on very little sleep but did it and feel pretty good about that. It did help knowing my Trainer would be there. I am not too sure I would have gone otherwise. It is nice having to be accountable to someone instead of just yourself. This is one thing that has helped me through this winter so far. Thankfully we don't do anything huge for New Years! It is my daughters 10th birthday this year so we may go out for dinner or do something like that but I always order salmon or something healthy when we eat out. It isn't hard for me to eat out healthy! That is one thing I have gotten really good at. So the fun of the New Year's and all the resolutions people make. I know the one I have had for the last 13 yrs has been lose weight. Well 2013 has been successful with that one. So here goes my list of New Year's Resolutions/ Goals list
1. Volunteer this year
2. Run in 5 5k's
3. Start and stay on budget
4. Go to Great America
5. Plan a date night 1x a month
6. Get more involved in the girls School
7. Karaoke Night

5 months Out and Odd's and Ends

So even with my foot I have been able to ride the bike at the gym and keep doing my weights. Today I really cranked it out on the Bike and was sweating just as much as if I was on the Elliptical. I did HIIT on the bike did 60 rpms and then up to 100 rpms and so forth. Did that for 45 mins. I refuse to give up and make this stall me in weight loss and progressing further. I am determined to get these last 4 lbs off before January 1st. So that I can say I lost 100 lbs in 2013!!!! I can do it!!
I am getting a little bored with my eating. I pretty much eat the same things every week and I am needing some new ideas. Right now my breakfast is a protein drink, snack in morning is almonds, lunch is turkey burger w/cheese, snack in afternoon is cheese stick and hummus or edamame, dinner is meat and veggies, sometimes night time snack not all the time and it will be edamame or cheese stick. I haven't really added fruit in because when i did i stopped losing the weight like before. I also stopped sneaking carbs. I was finding myself slipping too much.
Monday is my 5 month surgeryversary I can't believe 5 months have gone by. It has been a whirl wind of a time. I have learned alot about myself in these past 5 months. I definately have an issue with emotional eating and have mourned some of my most famous foods that I would indulge in. I have also learned that this process isn't easy for my husband either and I have to be open minded about what he is going threw at this time too. I still have issues with stopping myself from eating when I feel full. I don't know if it is because I still can't tell when Im full or that I just don't want the good food to end. It is a battle I am working on to fix. As of Friday I have lost 61 lbs since surgery and a grand total of 96 lbs total. Only 23 lbs away from under 200 which I never thought I'd see again in my life time. I can't wait. I feel great and know that with every lb gone I will feel even better. Can't wait to see what the next 5 months bring!!!