Trying to get back on track!

Its been a pretty good 2 weeks. Besides dealing with things at work and things at home. I have been trying to get back on track with my eating and exercise. I went back to the beginning. Started writing down everything again. Bought a new binder with colorful paper and pens .... because that always helps. LOL  I am going to be honest not too happy with the gain I had on Tuesday 10/21 I weighed in at 211.......:(   That was enough to kick myself across the room . So back to basics. Protein , Protein , Protein. No more bread, crackers . No more icecream and Chocolate. I stopped. Today I weighed in 207. So I am doing something right. Exercise I rocked last week . Took a few jogs, started 3- 30 day challenges Squats, Pushups and Situps, Burpees 233 of them in 30 mins and also did a Jump for Joy which was a circuit in Shape magazine (100 Jump Ropes, 75 High knees, 50 squats, 25 pushups, 150 Jump Rope, 75 Jumping Jacks, 50 Lunges, 25 situps, 200 Jump Ropes, 75 Butt Kicks, 50 Mountain climbers, 25 leg raises) Absolutely loved that circuit. I was dying at the end but felt damn good.
Yesterday I finally felt the addict side of me come out again, meaning I am starting to become addicted to working out again. This weekend was horrible with Halloween but I immediately erased my thoughts on how horrible I was and started over a new day. I have been feeling a bit sick since Sunday so I have been taking it a little easier this week so far exercise wise. So yesterday I had a training session out in the cold and it was hard. 1/4 mile run, 10 burpees, 10 kettlebell throws and 10 of some other kettle bell one that I cant remember the name of. I was fine with all of it except the damn running . My lungs were on fire and I was wheezing up a storm. I need to get out and run some more in this cold so my lungs get use to it. Especially since I have my 5k on Thanksgiving. I couldn't believe the wheezing I was doing after wards too. So time to get out there and run more. Eating hasn't been as good as last week but not horrible either. Weight has stayed the same this week no drop or gain so that is good.

Trail Running!!

Sunday I finally joined my trainer and few people from our fitness group on a trail run in the woods. Can I just say I LOVED IT!!! Totally different experience then just running on the sidewalk or track. Plus my trainer wouldn't let me listen to music so I actually got to enjoy the scenery and really listen to my breathing. I ran most of it. I would say I walked maybe a 1/2 mile maybe. I tried to just stay jogging when I got to a big hill I would be dead by the time I was done and have to catch my breath but not too bad. I can't wait to go back. I wish I had a trail like that closer to home cause Id be on it everyday!!! It brought back that feeling again , the feeling of new and exciting!!! It has been missing for a while. Also my husbands cousin ran in the chicago marathon on Sunday and just following her and getting excited for her to finish has sparked that goal again. Someday I will run the Chicago Marathon. I will!!!! So I was reading that you have to train 2 yrs for that so I am going to start now. First goal to run a whole mile non stop and then 2 and then 3 and so on!!! I think I should be up to 26.2 by the time the marathon is in 2016 or 2017.

Giving up isnt an option!

I feel like the walls have been slowly closing in on me. I blog to get my stresses out and it does help especially after I go back and re-read my feelings. It is so strange how that works. I have been under a ton of stress lately and it sucks. When I am with my kids I have to act like everything is okay and that can be so draining at times. My 1st stress is finances. I hate that money has such control over everything in life. As soon as I feel okay we got this under control something else hits me in the mail and I'm like "shit!! Really?". I am trying really hard to work our finances and I hope one of these days it will smooth out better. I have always been a positive person, "everything happens for a reason" has been my motto for all my life and has really helped me stay positive and get through the storms. I keep telling myself over and over "everything happens for a reason" this too shall pass and things will start getting better........... will they? I find negative nancy peeking in a bit more these days and I really hate her. I guess there comes a time in your life that what you have always done may not work anymore. Could this be that time for me?
My 2nd stress is my daughter Emilee. 6 years old and acts like she is 20 at times. I swear she is pushing my buttons way too far and I am so confused how to handle things with her anymore. It isnt easy being a parent at least for me it hasn't come naturally . I know I hear some moms like oh it is such a joy and so rewarding. I see the rewarding end of it sometimes but JOY not so much yet with this one. We are going to be taking her to a psychologist and I am hoping her working with them will help her and she will turn this magic corner soon. I hope and pray it isn't something serious and it is just her stubborness. I get a call at least once a week from school and it makes my heart ache because I want so much for her and want her to be happy and carefree and not stress so much at such a young age. She has some anger issues and emotional issues that I am trying to learn how to cope with and help her with. I will say one thing that has come of all this is my patience has gotten better and me controlling myself has gotten better. I try to not to get so angry so fast and sit and talk with her to see what is going on in her head instead of . It is just so heart breaking knowing something isn't right with your kid and you can't just erase it and make it all better.
Obviously stressing about my weight loss and all that too. Have been trying to stick with it and it has been rough because all the extra stresses just make me want to sit on the couch and cry or eat. I use to work out when I was stressed and I am not sure why that has stopped and I need to start doing that again but I think physically/mentally I am drained right now all over. I am reading a book about positive thinking so I am hoping it will give me some ideas that will help. I am also thinking of starting with a counselor. I know this will pass and time will heal all and I know that I must stay positive and kick the rest to the curb. I will get through it and will come out stronger.

Forever back and forth!!

I am sick of my head going back and forth between motivated and not caring!!! I have taken a step back this week and pretty much stopped caring what I put in my mouth and what I have done to exercise. It is bitter sweet! On one hand I am feeling some of my stress lifted and Im feeling myself breathing a bit better but on the other hand I am gaining weight and not feeling good physically- lack of energy. I definately can tell a difference in my body and how I feel every morning and night. Eating crap makes me feel like crap physically but mentally makes me feel good. I have actually enjoyed my food this week and the taste and liked that. I also haven't been eating the same thing over and over again which is nice. I didn't start the week off on a mission to test things out but as of today it has turned into a test. After tomorrow I am hoping to go back to healthy living and try to put forth more effort at making my food taste good so I can enjoy the heathly stuff as much as the not so heatlhy stuff. I am definately going to start working out everyday again- that I miss a ton. I am one of those crazy people that enjoys sweating and kicking my butt!!! Things have been tight money wise so food will be a challenge this week but I will figure it out and make better choices. It is amazing how the cheap $1 stuff is so bad . I went to CVS this week and they have a $1 isle with mac n cheese, rice a roni , cereal, and all that easy to make stuff. So bad but so good and affordable when all you have is some change in your pocket. I still have my goals that I want to achieve so I will be working on it again. Life has been rough lately but it is looking up and I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to get my mind right again. It will always be a struggle but I get stronger with each bump.

Your mind!!!

Your mind is a funny thing! One day you can be so depressed and down in the dumps and the next day your on top of the world!!! So many stresses in life,  so many demands!!!! My mind has been a whirlwind of shit for the past year. Good , bad, Great and horrific!!! I never in my life thought Id be dealing with so much emotional stresses after losing 120 lbs. There are days I would find my mind wandering.... At least when I was fat I could grab a tub of Ben and Jerrys and eat away my problems and be happy!!! LOL I know... nonsense being healthier is so much better. But it is hard telling yourself that when your day has been crap. Now today I find myself so stressed out that I am looking forward to kicking my ass in my training session. I actually don't want a tub of ben and Jerry's. Amazing!!!! Now I know that is because I started eating better and I am not craving my carbs as much. And my mind is in the right place.....today anyway!!!! 
I didn't get to finish this blog yesterday so I will today. Yesterdays training session was exactly what I needed. Sweat my stress away. Thank god!!! Felt so much better afterward. I went to the store after and picked up some chicken, turkey bacon, mushrooms, green peppers and red peppers and went home and made the most terrific dinner!!! Healthy too!!! After training there was no way I was going to eat bad and ruin it. I really do feel like my mind is in the best place it has been in months.
Okay so this blog is going to be all over the place. My next thing is running. I swear I feel like I will never get the breathing down I am so out of breath after less then 5 mins that I get light headed and can't catch my breath. I want to run damnit!!! I want to run a full 5k and a 10K and a 1/2 marathon and eventually my ultimate goal will be a marathon but at this rate it will never happen. I am going to make an appointment at my doctor just to eliminate asthma being a problem cause that is all I can think it could be. My lungs should be stronger then this. I have watched numerous videos on how to breath when running and have tried different ways but it still isn't helping. I do really well inside on the treadmill jogging for 10 mins straight without this problem so I just dont get it.

Sabotage!!- Emotional

It happens to us all, tons of stress and we get Emotional and Sabotage ourselves! Or we talk ourselves into a treat way too many times....."you've worked so hard", "you deserve it", "what is one scoop of ice cream really going to do anyway?", "I'll just workout harder tomorrow to make up for it"............. That stupid voice in your head!!!! I have worked hard and I do deserve a treat every once in a while but when it becomes a daily thing it needs to stop. I catch myself every few months falling into that trap and seeing myself reverting to old ways. It is so hard to stay on track every day and for so long. I have been working on this since December of 2012 and my mentality in the beginning was - this is a life change not a diet. But right now I feel like life change? What is that? My diet has gone on so long and I just want to enjoy food again. I just want to eat a full cheeseburger or a full order of cheese fries again. I was doing so good too, food is my fuel I kept saying eat only to fuel myself for living and working out. Why does this happen? I am trying to get motivated again but there are things in life that just stress me out and make my mind wander to a place I hate. I have tried a lot of things to motivate myself but nothing is working anymore. I know I have come a far way and I only have a little more to go and I knew the last of the pounds were going to be hard but didn't realize how hard. Time to get my mind back in the game and stop letting myself sabotage myself!!!! I start today and I take it one day at a time. No more eating crap no more EXCUSES!!!!

Curve Ball!! NEW BEGINNINGS!!

Well on Friday the 18th I drank a red bull and had a horrible stomach pain from 11am until 7pm. I thought it was the carbonation of the redbull that made me feel that way. On Saturday I ate my normal breakfast and not even 15 mins later my stomach pain came back and twice as bad as the day before. Wth!!! So Saturday after work I made my hubby take me in to the Emergency room.  I swear I would rather have 20 more babies then have that pain. I couldn't get comfortable at all I wanted to kill someone. Thankfully I got some good drugs that took it all away. Found out I had gall stones and some were blocking one of the ducts and causing all the pain and swelling. They sent me home with a bunch of pills, pain pills, vallium, anti nausea medicine and spasm medicine. Also only clear liquids until I can see my doctor. Yay!!! Well Sunday morning and afternoon went well but evening pain came back . ER again!! more pain meds and I felt better. Now tell me why these f'ers sent me home again? I stayed on clear liquids only all of Monday and Tuesday still with pain but this time they gave me a stronger pain med and it worked a lot better. So Wednesday I go into the doctor and they admit me to the hospital. FINALLY!!! Wednesday was a blur pretty much pain killers all day and poking and proding . Thursday they say we are going to put you under and put stents in to see if we can get the stones out of the duct. What? Why? just take the m'fer out please!!!! Well I get back from the first surgery and find out that they are going to do a 2nd surgery later in the day to remove the gall bladder because it was full of stones. Awesome!!! So gall bladder is gone, pain is pretty much gone but guess what I have to go in for a 3rd and final surgery to have the stents removed because they couldn't do that at the same time as the gall bladder removal. HUH!!! Man I can't wait for that to be over. Not sure when I will have that procedure but I hope before school starts. Now after  I got released to go home I was on vacation/recovery. I was a bad bad girl all that week. I ate whatever I wanted and thoroughly enjoyed every last bite. Andy's concrete mixers with peanut butter cup, nachos, chips and salsa, crepes with chocolate and bananas, popcorn, peanut M&M's, fried pickles you name I tried it and ate it with no guilt what so ever. Well I felt like absolute crap from all the crap I was eating -drained and tired. Probably not the greatest idea after a surgery. Stupid Stupid Stupid. Guilt set in and now I am back to eating right again and let me tell you I feel a lot better. I thankfully didn't gain anything which was lucky. So back at it in the gym and eating!! I was so happy to step foot on an elliptical again on Monday morning and guess what I worked out again in the evening cause I wanted to. I really missed it. I pulled out my Jillian Michaels body revolution and the last time I did it I couldn't even make it through the whole 30 mins, this time I felt it was a bit easy and made it with now problem. First time in a while I realized how much more physically fit I am now!!! I love it!!! So I feel like a new beginning is here and I am going to set some goals again.

1st goal - I will get in my 5 -5k's I have two more to do and one of them is set in November (rotary club pie run)

2nd goal- To lose 29 lbs by the end of the year. Why 29? because in 29 lbs I will no longer be obese by my BMI. I will be overweight but NO LONGER OBESE!!!

3rd goal- Work on getting everyone in the house to eat better. More Veggies , More Fruits (got them more active now to work on the eating)

4th goal- Start 2015 off with the New Year run downtown. I wanted to do it last year and didn't so this year I am doing it.

5:2 Intermittent Fasting

So I have come to realize that even with Surgery I will forever be trying new diets!!! Dreaded word lets say eating plans instead. I have a group of people that had sleeve surgery the same month as me that I have been a part of since day one and last weekend one of them told me about 5:2 Intermittent Fasting because I have been feeling down cause I have been reverting back to some old ways. Well basically what you do is "fast" 2 days out of the week 550 calories allowed in two meals spread 12 hours apart. The rest is water , water , water you can also have coffee black or tea. On the other 5 days you eat 1200 calories with no white breads or normal eating for a sleever. Protein and veggies some fruits low carbs. Well I started last week on Monday with a fasting day. That was a bit hard but I made it and stuck to it. I had a black iced coffee mixed with a vanilla protein drink for breakfast and then at dinner I had a taco salad with Ground beef , lettuce , cheese, tomatoe, black olives and low fat sour cream came out 552 calories for the day. Then Tuesday, Wednesday normal days didn't crave carbs or chocolate like I had been which was fabulous. Thursday my 2nd fasting day and it was a little easier I noticed on both days about noon which is my normal lunch time I would get a wave of panic and anxiety and think I am not going to make it at that point I'd facebook my sleeve group girls that where doing the 5:2 with me and try to stay extra busy. It lasted about an hour and then BAM a feeling of euphoria came over me. I would be so energized and goofy- I really think I drove my co-worker insane. It was probably one of the best feelings I have had for a while. So I know you want to hear about the #'s too. Well on Monday I weighed in 202 and on Friday my normal weight in day I was 194 HOLY HELL 7lbs since Monday are you kidding me!!! Crazy shit!! Now thats great shit thats AWESOME! but how it makes me feel is so much more rewarding for me right now. I feel powerful on fasting days like if I can do this I can do anything. It is so weird. So today is again a fasting day for me and can I just say a HELL of ALOT easier today. Not thinking nearly as much about food and really enjoying the extra time I have today during the afternoon to try and get things done at work. I am hoping for similar results this week maybe a little less weight loss but the fact I woke up this morning looking forward to a fasting day tells me this may be my way of life for a LONG time.
I had boot camp yesterday and woke up this morning sore as hell. So definately a good boot camp. Love feeling sore!!! I took it pretty easy last week on exercise cause my knee was bothering me and I think that it worked. My knee feels much better today and I got some well needed extra sleep last week. Maybe that helped too with my weight loss. This week I am back to a few days of the week working out early morning but I am just going to make sure I am in bed early enough.

Onederland , Onederland , oh yes Onederland!!!

I made it to Onederland!!! Hell yeah!!! I was so happy I cried! Total pounds lost 120. I still can't believe it and it amazes me everyday. There are times I pass the mirror and don't recognize myself. Now to get far enough below it I never can see 200 again... LOL it is never ending....
This journey has been amazing and I am beginning to finally see the end. My ultimate goal is 138 so 60 pounds left. Now I may hit 150 and feel like it is the magic # and if that happens I stop and smell the roses and begin my maintance.
This weekend was July 4th and I did extremely well at the 4th celebration. I didn't splurge like I use to. I had one small bite of a funnel cake, about 5 bites of a piece of pizza and then found a yummy sugar free snow cone to end my night out. JULY is one of the best months of the year!!! My absolute favorite cause of the Fireworks and because ...... its my birthday month!!! I am sure my husband is hearing it ring in his ear.... "its my birthday" its my birthday" I am such a goof ball. I am so excited for our vacation at the end of the month too. Going up to see my grandma in Wisconsin and spend some fun time in the Dells too. Can't wait. My Grandma hasn't seen me since I lost all this weight so I am sure that will be shocking for her. I also did my boot camp class both days this weekend and that was GREAT!!! My knee has been bothering me again but I pushed through it and went home and iced it. It does feel a bit better today. I have to baby it a few more days otherwise I may be asking for it. My goal this month is to sign up for a 5k so I can get another one under my belt.

Back wards!!!! Ahhh

So headed back up the scale again. Boo Hoo!!! I only have myself to blame on this though. Not eating strict but after a year in a half I am kinda sick of eating strict. But if I want to hit my goal I just need to stick to it. I go back and forth in my head and it sucks. I know everyone trying to lose does this. It can get so frustrating. This weekend was great!!! I went paddleboating with my husband for our date night and it was so cool. This is stuff we would have never done a year ago. So I look at that and it makes me feel good. I have to stop caring soooooooo much about what the scale says but it isn't easy since that is what is instilled in my head. Got to get to goal , doctors goal, my personal goal etc..... What's the goal a #!!! So fine a # well I know I will see it eventually and I am choosing to not dwell on how fast!!! Right now I am going to remember the accomplishments I have made in the last yr and a half. I am down 115 lbs and in a size 16 from a 28 back in December of 2012. I can run I can jump and I can ride amusement park rides...... and I am happier then I have been in years. I am teaching my kids and husband a better way to live!!! Healthy and Active!!! So I move on from here and just keep on keepin on!!!!

So Close to Onederland!!

Oh man this morning I stepped on the scale and that baby kept going back and forth 199 to 200. It eventually ended on 200.4 but OMG I was still so damn excited people would have thought I did hit the 199. I am so happy that it is finally going to happen. I have been eating a lot of fish the past two weeks and I just wonder if that is what it finally getting the scale to move. I also have been much stricter with my eating too. Oh and I started drinking coffee again....... Not sure if that is a good thing or bad but who knows if that has something to do with it too. It definately helps with the mindless snacking cause I am not hungry. I think I should see Onederland next week!!! Yay, I hope. Then I have to lose 4 more pounds to see it on the scale at the gym. So hopefully officially there by July.
I did start running a bit more now too cause I am out of therapy. I did a fitness test on Thursday in 27 mins actually 26.51. It was running .25 miles, 20 pushups and 20 situps. I ran 5.0 and 5.3 which was the fastest so far that I have ran. I was very happy with that. Last time I did the fitness test it was back before I broke my foot and I think I did it in 34 or 36 mins if I am remembering right. So shaved some time off there.
Today I start helping my friend with ALS from 1 to 5pm. I am so happy that I can help and that my mom is willing to watch the girls the extra time. I am a little nervous cause I don't want to get emotional I want to be strong for her. I am also nervous cause it is difficult to understand her and I don't like having to ask her to repeat herself. This will be good I am excited to spend some time with her and help her in anyway she needs.
I have had a stomach ache a lot this week so I am wondering if I do need to scale back on the coffee. It could be too much for it. I am not having any today so we will see how I feel.

June is here!

So found out today that I graduate from physical therapy on Friday!!! Whoo hoo, however I can't start running again until I can do 30 one leg squats in a row and 30 calf raises in a row. So going to be working hard on that. My physical therapist did give me a back to running schedule so I don't end up back there too soon. I started a little running on my own last week but I will be scaling back on that just so I don't get injured. I have at home or gym exercises I need to do. I can definately tell a difference in my quads they are stronger but I have to work on my hips they aren't so strong. I was told about a month more before he thinks I can run again. Boo hoo to that but I have to remain patient.
With all that being said I am being a bit defiant of his instructions because the past 2 weekends I have been taking a boot camp with my trainer and another trainer at a park near me and there is some running involved but not a ton. I absolutly love the boot camp. There was about 20 people both times I went and it kicks my butt and makes me feel energized for a few hours after wards. I haven't had any horrible pains from it and just stop and modify when I can't do something. I am being very cautious.
I still haven't seen much movement on my scale even with the extra stuff I am doing both exercise and food wise. I have cleaned up my food really good the past week stopped eating so much junk which for me means carbs and sugars. And nothing. :(    I will not let it defeat me , it will show up eventually. Looking forward to measurements this month because I am hoping to see it there.

10 months Post Op !

Wow really can't believe its been 10 months since my surgery. I started finally losing again after a little stall. According to my scale at home this month I dropped 7 pounds which I am very happy with. I am 5 lbs from wonderland which is a stinker on my scale. I am not sure I will ever hit it. Ugh it just seems like as soon as I get this close I gain. So we shall see. I have my 9 month post op apointment with my doctor next week so I am going to start being really strict again and see if I can drop a few before then. I would love to drop the 5 and weigh in under 200 but I don't want to disappoint myself. Physical therapy is going well, I definately feel stronger but still have some pain when I try to walk longer distances. This week he taped my knee and it has helped a ton. I was told I could do the elliptical now at the gym so I am so happy about that!!! I can once again begin my love affair with the elliptical :)   No running yet but the elliptical comes in a close 2nd to that. I went today for blood work so the doc can see if I am definciant in anything . I am curious to see how that comes back cause I have been feeling a bit more drained lately and it shouldn't be that way cause I am getting more sleep since I can't workout every morning. I was iron deficiant last time but I couldn't handle those damn iron pills so I stopped taking them. I hope it isn't that again. They upset my stomach something horrible. School is almost over for the girls however I signed them both up for summer school but that is more fun for them and keeps them learning. I think Emilee will benefit a ton from that. No more early morning orchestra so I can workout again on Tuesday mornings. I am so excited for that. I looked into some 5k's for once I can run again and I don't think I will be able to do any until July which is great cause I would like to celebrate my 1 year surgery date and birthday with a 5k so hoping to find one between 7/22 and 7/28. The other one I would really like to do is the Biggest Loser Race on Aug 3rd downtown Chicago. I want to run one on the lakeshore if I don't this year I will be just driving down there and parking to run it on my own. I also need to find me a 10K to do around Oct or November. I can't wait to run again!!!!

3rd 5K finished!!! 2 to go and a 10k!!

This past weekend was busy!!! But a good busy! On Saturday I did a 5k with my daughter Kaylee for Girls on the Run! It was at St James Farm in Warrenville and let me tell you ... Not the best for my knee because it was on pretty much all grass and mud trails which where uneven as heck. For me right now the only thing really bothering my knee is uneven ground so needless to say I did the best I could. We completed it in 54 mins which was below the goal my daughter set from last years race so very happy!!! I was told I couldn't run by my physical therapist but I have come to realize not running isn't possible in any race. First off Kaylee picks the beginning of the line so we had to run the beginning so we didn't get trampled. Then at the end we had to run it in . We did jog a little in the middle but not much. It was a beautiful area and scenery and I would love to do it again when I am all better. It was an awesome experience with my daughter and I am looking forward to next years.
Food wise this weekend was bad but soooo good. Saturday night my hubby took me out for dinner to Salerno's in Hodgkins and it was awesome. Italian at its finest. Sunday we took his mom out for Lunch at Chilis but I tried to be better there but those chips and salsa are my down fall. I took left overs home from both places. Now on Sunday I workout with my mother in law which was great. She had both knees replaced in October so it was great seeing her ride the bike. I am so proud of her cause she has had complications with it and she is one tough cookie. I rode the bike 20 mins and walked on the treadmill for 20. It was all I could do before the knee started to bother me. Stupid knee!!! I am feeling good though definately stronger in my knee/leg. Alot of the physical therapy is for the muscles around the knee . Monday was busy busy busy. In the morning I met with my trainer at 5am worked out on treadmill after and then at 7am had my physical therapy. I then had a field trip with Kaylee and her 4th grade class to the Museum of Science and Industry. Walked all day which my knee only started bothering me at the last hour , hour and 1/2. I was exhausted wanted to go to bed at 5pm but I did clean a bit and ended up with a burst of energy. I downloaded my body media information for the day and burned over 1000 calories . I tried to get up this morning to workout but didn't, which is better anyway right now cause Kaylee has early morning orchestra which makes it really hard in the mornings but I do have physical therapy tonight and it is getting a bit harder so that will be good. I will definately be going tomorrow morning, it makes such a difference in my mood. Especially since the 5k because I know I can do a bit more then I thought now. However I am reminded by my Physical Therapist not to get too over the top with it yet. Not easy for me right now! So I was very excited that last Friday I stepped on the scale with a 2 lb lost. I have been in a rut and haven't 2 lbs in a while. I think that is another reason my attitude has gotten better. I have my 9 month follow up with the Surgeon on the 28th. We shall see how that goes, I was hoping to meet there goal given to me by then but that is okay I feel great and that is all that matters.

So easy to get Lazy!!!

Why is it so easy to get Lazy!! I hate it, it isn't just your body that gets lazy it's your mind too. You stop pushing you stop giving yourself pep talks .... You pretty much shut down!!! I hate it and no matter how hard I try to turn it around I can't. I know its because I can't workout hard and it is so frustrating and I am so impatient and Im going NUTS!!! I am starting to make excuses again and finding myself vegging in front of the television with food at night and I hate myself for falling!!! I tell myself todays a new day start fresh and then something stresses me out and because I can't turn to exercise right now I am turning to my freaking fridge or cabinents. It is a never ending cycle and I need to forge through it. I know this is only temporary but damn not being able to do what I use to is taking its toll on me. I am frustrated with myself because I thought I was stronger then this.
I started physical therapy last week and it is fine but I don't sweat which makes me feel like Im doing nothing. I do feel my knee is getting stronger and it isn't as painful as it use to be. so that is good news. But with that I catch myself thinking shit it feels better I am going to run this weekend in my 5K. NOOOOOO I know I cant because I will probably reverse all the good Ive done so far. Again I want to pull my hair out. I haven't been going to the gym because I am afraid I will push myself too hard because I think I can go farther and then end up messing something up. I do have to say that my trainer really worked me out good last Thursday and we did nothing with the legs. So I know thats good but can't see him every day!!! Plus my stupid gym closed down so I have to drive a little further now and I find myself saying it isn't worth it cause I all I can do is the treadmill walking , now that I am typing this I realize how stupid of me.... WALKING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING!!! See this is why I like to blog because I always get AHA moments while I type and think. LOL  So my thoughts for now is that who cares if it is only walking ..... time to get my ass in gear!!! I do have the Girls on the Run 5k on Saturday with Kaylee and I am looking forward to that. I will walk it and hope I can control myself from running. I am going to clean out my drawers at work and at  home to get rid of all the crap again and stock back up with fruits and veggies more. I can do this , just a bump in my journey..... Time to turn it around!!!

9 Months down

9 months and gained 2 lbs since 8 months. Boo! But I have made some changes in my life this month that has cause some extra water weight. The dreaded Birth Control. Now no excuses though I have to be completly honest with myself - I have introduced a few other foods and drinks into my diet that aren't doctor approved.... carbs and alcohol. I have definately been less strict this month, if I have a craving I am satisfying my craving. I know if I would have remained strict as hell I would have stayed the same or dropped. I have noticed since starting birth control that my cravings are more then they use to be. Which sucks but I have to teach myself how to control those cravings and the sizes I eat. I can't fit a lot in my stomach but the bad foods are still bad. I am disappointed with the gain but at the same time I am still so damn proud of how far I ve come. I feel great and I know I will hit onderland soon!!! Hopefully :( Considering I am now injured once again and having to do therapy right now. Met with my physical therapist yesterday and was told no cardio for at least a month. I can walk on the treadmill thats all. No elliptical no bike no running :(  Walking is great but I can't do much cause it does bother my knee so boo! They said by what they felt and examine yesterday I may have torn my LCL. Trying a month of therapy to see if that helps if not then I will have to get an MRI to make sure.  Let me tell you my knee is so sore today .... and I didn't do anything strenous I just did all the stretching and it is killing me. Stupid knee!!! So this month I am concentrating on my food and what I am eating. I want to try clean eating so that is something I am going to start.

Injured.... AGAIN!!

 Alright , Alright, Alright!!! Enough already! Can't even go 6 months without injurying myself. So frustrated. Did a box jump yesterday made it but tweaked my knee and fell off the box. So not cool!! LOL well all day yesterday my knee just kept getting bigger and bigger until I couldn't bend it. Iced it , bengay and woke up this morning not able to walk. :( Awesome. Went to the ER and at least nothing is broken , thank god but I have fluid in my knee and have to go see an orthopedic doctor now. To top it all off it is the same knee I had my ACL replaced back over 15 years ago. I swear my worst nightmare .... Never thought I would feel this pain again. I have crutches and a knee immobilizer which is so much fun. Shouldn't be driving but really have no other choice but to drive. Just in town not far distances as of now. I must find something to do to still burn some calories . I remember an episode of biggest loser where one of them was injured and they had him doing boxing while sitting on his bed and he was sweating. I am going to try that cause I am not going to let this ruin my job so far. Well what else is new..... I decided to go back on birth control and it has made me gain a little weight back which is another frustrating thing going on right now. I have been on it for a little over a week and gained 7 lbs. Yipee!!! I read that it is water retention in the beginning and should stop and level out so I can start losing again. I really hope so otherwise I will need to rethink my choice. Man when it rains it poors !!!!! I need to remain as positive as possible and not let this get me down. I  know my upper body will be getting a great workout with these stupid crutches thats for sure..... Positive thought #1.... :)

2nd 5K down loving running!!

I was offered a free ticket to a 5k at Wrigley this past weekend and just couldn't pass it up. I want to do as many as I can so I can hit my goal and get better. I had to go by myself which was a little nerve racking considering I have never been down there before. I parked about a 1/2 mile from the park. Wasn't a bad walk at all. The area is so nice. I met some people on the walk to the park from Austin Tx. Also had a few people I chatted with while waiting for the race to start. People were really fun. I ran almost all the race . I just kept telling myself I wasn't going to die and kept pushing myself. I think I walked maybe 3 mins during the first mile and about the same for the 2nd mile. Third mile sucked I was a little worn out and walked a bit more. I need to learn how to pace myself better in the beginning so I can end the races better. I ran in at 43 mins but it took a while to get to the start line because I was at the end of the line. It was a fun run so it wasn't chipped timed but If I go by my music on my phone I came in at the beginning of my 36 min song. I have them timed out so I think I finished between 36 and 39 mins . I am going to have to start saving for a Garmin GPS watch so I can time on my own. This was the biggest race I've been in so I did notice I had to dodge people a lot more then in any other race. Almost tripped twice, ha ha!! And almost tripped someone. I had a lot of fun! I didn't like that I got lost on the walk back to my car though. I swear I turned down the right street and just kind of followed the crowd too. Now the walk to the race took maybe 10-15mins tops and about a 1/2 hour into my walk back to the car I realized hmmm been walking a lot longer so I took out my phone and mapped it. Wow did I feel like an idiot!!! Standing on the corner of a street trying to figure out where I was. Took about 20 mins to get to my car from where I was but the walk was nice and the I never felt uncomfortable or like I was in any danger. So next year I want to do it again but with a group or at least 1 other person. I already started recruiting some family and friends. I really never thought I'd see the day I would go to a 5k by myself and enjoy it so damn much. Also loving running so much. I know I liked it back in highschool but forgot how much until now. I have 2 5k's next month that I am really looking forward too. Girls on the Run with Kaylee on the 10th and Run for the Roses on the 17th. Then on the 31st I have the ALS walk which isn't timed or anything like that it is more of a leisure pace and to raise money and awareness. Still searching for a June run and July run.

8 months post op and 5K results!

On March 22nd I hit 8 months post op and I am down a total of 110 lbs and 75 lbs since surgery. Things have been moving along very slow these days and it does get a little hard to stay motivated cause I feel fat still. I am starting to wear clothes that actually fit now and it is playing games with my head. I am constantly comparing pics to keep me grounded. When I started this journey my personal weight loss goal was to lose 90 lbs by 9 months post op. I am still trying for that but not too confident I will meet it. I will be close though. I am eating 1200 calories a day and mainly protein, veggies and fruit. I have my occasional piece of ezekiel bread with peanut butter or some chocolate when I crave it. I figure better to have it then to deprive myself and end up binging on it. I have had popcorn too. I have found I can not stomach milk at all. No yogurt for me either. I kind of miss that and I am a bit sad about that but I am now on a hunt for a good tasting greek yogurt to see if I can eat that but everyone I have tasted has been disgusting to me. A typical week of working out is Mon- Friday and sometimes Saturday too. I have my trainer on Mon and Thursday and then do strength and cardio on my own the rest of he week. I average about an hour and 1/2 at the gym and I do from 30 mins to an hour of cardio (treadmill, elliptical, bike)

Had my first 5k this year on 3/30 and my 1st 5K with my Hubby!!! Back at Thanksgiving I ran the 5K in 47 mins this 5k I ran in 39:39. I shaved 8 mins off my time. I was so happy. My goal was to hit the 45 mins I had originally had for my goal on Thanksgivings 5k and I blew that out of the water. And I didn't die. I felt awesome!! It is still a lot harder for me running outside which does frustrate me a little while I am running. I can go 10 mins on the treadmill but maybe 2 mins outside and then I have to walk. I know it will get better as I am running more outside.

 We celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary the day after the run and have decided that we will do this 5K every year for it. One reason I got the sleeve done was so that me and him could get healthier along with the girls so I feel like it is a way of keeping that promise to my family and myself. I felt pretty good the next day not too much soreness. It is my hips that bother me the most now. I got new running shoes in our local running store - Runners Soul. They are Brooks-Adreline. I absolutely love them. It was fun going into the store and running on a treadmill for them so they can see what type of shoes my feet need. I loved the people there too. I forsee myself going  there alot and I know my hubby isn't going to be happy. LOL I am actually going to take him in there next to get him some good shoes. He is on his feet all day and deserves it.

What is this TABATA you speak of??? ....LOL

Well things are going well my motivation is coming back. I have a 5K on the 30th so I finally got out and ran outside. Man it is so different then on the treadmill. My breathing is all over the place and I think I am running faster so it is harder. I ran from my house to my parents what would have been 3 miles turned into to 4 because I dropped my house key during the run and had to retrace my tracks to find it. Thankfully I did find it and from now on I will be bringing my bulky keys with and just straping it to my bra like I use to. I felt great after the run though, not too worn out and a little hyper. Now the day after my hip was bothering me ALOT! I had to use Bengay which I am in love with now cause damn it works good. I have been talking about getting new shoes for a while but no more talking I am out next weekend to get them. I won't be able to use them for this 5K but at least I will have them for the next one. I am amazed how well my knees have been holding up, not much pain in that area which is what I was worried about. I had set a goal to do 5  5k's this year. 1 will be down on the 30th and I think there is one in April I want to do but still not sure. I know May is packed I have one on the 10th with my daughter and one on the 17th. So 3 down, now I have to search for some in the summer. Ok so on to the title of this post.....
TABATA heard about it but never tried it until today. If your not familiar with it , it is High-Intensity interval training three to ten reps of high intensity exercise followed by medium intensity exercise for recovery. For example my trainer had me do squats with the kettlebell 8x's -each was I think a min and 1/2  and then elliptical for 2 1/2 mins. Then medicine ball throws and run on treadmill... etc. Awesome workout but hard as hell. I know I will be feeling it for a few days. I hope to do many many more of those cause I was dripping sweat. I then tried to run/walk the treadmill and that was funny cause my legs felt like they weighed 800 lbs so it ended up being walking mainly. I will make up for it tomorrow morning. I can tell I wasn't running right either cause my shins are sore. So back on track trying to stay motivated and staying on track with food. I have another goal in place 40 lbs gone by August. I know I can do it and will crush it!!!