Sabotage!!- Emotional

It happens to us all, tons of stress and we get Emotional and Sabotage ourselves! Or we talk ourselves into a treat way too many times....."you've worked so hard", "you deserve it", "what is one scoop of ice cream really going to do anyway?", "I'll just workout harder tomorrow to make up for it"............. That stupid voice in your head!!!! I have worked hard and I do deserve a treat every once in a while but when it becomes a daily thing it needs to stop. I catch myself every few months falling into that trap and seeing myself reverting to old ways. It is so hard to stay on track every day and for so long. I have been working on this since December of 2012 and my mentality in the beginning was - this is a life change not a diet. But right now I feel like life change? What is that? My diet has gone on so long and I just want to enjoy food again. I just want to eat a full cheeseburger or a full order of cheese fries again. I was doing so good too, food is my fuel I kept saying eat only to fuel myself for living and working out. Why does this happen? I am trying to get motivated again but there are things in life that just stress me out and make my mind wander to a place I hate. I have tried a lot of things to motivate myself but nothing is working anymore. I know I have come a far way and I only have a little more to go and I knew the last of the pounds were going to be hard but didn't realize how hard. Time to get my mind back in the game and stop letting myself sabotage myself!!!! I start today and I take it one day at a time. No more eating crap no more EXCUSES!!!!

Curve Ball!! NEW BEGINNINGS!!

Well on Friday the 18th I drank a red bull and had a horrible stomach pain from 11am until 7pm. I thought it was the carbonation of the redbull that made me feel that way. On Saturday I ate my normal breakfast and not even 15 mins later my stomach pain came back and twice as bad as the day before. Wth!!! So Saturday after work I made my hubby take me in to the Emergency room.  I swear I would rather have 20 more babies then have that pain. I couldn't get comfortable at all I wanted to kill someone. Thankfully I got some good drugs that took it all away. Found out I had gall stones and some were blocking one of the ducts and causing all the pain and swelling. They sent me home with a bunch of pills, pain pills, vallium, anti nausea medicine and spasm medicine. Also only clear liquids until I can see my doctor. Yay!!! Well Sunday morning and afternoon went well but evening pain came back . ER again!! more pain meds and I felt better. Now tell me why these f'ers sent me home again? I stayed on clear liquids only all of Monday and Tuesday still with pain but this time they gave me a stronger pain med and it worked a lot better. So Wednesday I go into the doctor and they admit me to the hospital. FINALLY!!! Wednesday was a blur pretty much pain killers all day and poking and proding . Thursday they say we are going to put you under and put stents in to see if we can get the stones out of the duct. What? Why? just take the m'fer out please!!!! Well I get back from the first surgery and find out that they are going to do a 2nd surgery later in the day to remove the gall bladder because it was full of stones. Awesome!!! So gall bladder is gone, pain is pretty much gone but guess what I have to go in for a 3rd and final surgery to have the stents removed because they couldn't do that at the same time as the gall bladder removal. HUH!!! Man I can't wait for that to be over. Not sure when I will have that procedure but I hope before school starts. Now after  I got released to go home I was on vacation/recovery. I was a bad bad girl all that week. I ate whatever I wanted and thoroughly enjoyed every last bite. Andy's concrete mixers with peanut butter cup, nachos, chips and salsa, crepes with chocolate and bananas, popcorn, peanut M&M's, fried pickles you name I tried it and ate it with no guilt what so ever. Well I felt like absolute crap from all the crap I was eating -drained and tired. Probably not the greatest idea after a surgery. Stupid Stupid Stupid. Guilt set in and now I am back to eating right again and let me tell you I feel a lot better. I thankfully didn't gain anything which was lucky. So back at it in the gym and eating!! I was so happy to step foot on an elliptical again on Monday morning and guess what I worked out again in the evening cause I wanted to. I really missed it. I pulled out my Jillian Michaels body revolution and the last time I did it I couldn't even make it through the whole 30 mins, this time I felt it was a bit easy and made it with now problem. First time in a while I realized how much more physically fit I am now!!! I love it!!! So I feel like a new beginning is here and I am going to set some goals again.

1st goal - I will get in my 5 -5k's I have two more to do and one of them is set in November (rotary club pie run)

2nd goal- To lose 29 lbs by the end of the year. Why 29? because in 29 lbs I will no longer be obese by my BMI. I will be overweight but NO LONGER OBESE!!!

3rd goal- Work on getting everyone in the house to eat better. More Veggies , More Fruits (got them more active now to work on the eating)

4th goal- Start 2015 off with the New Year run downtown. I wanted to do it last year and didn't so this year I am doing it.

5:2 Intermittent Fasting

So I have come to realize that even with Surgery I will forever be trying new diets!!! Dreaded word lets say eating plans instead. I have a group of people that had sleeve surgery the same month as me that I have been a part of since day one and last weekend one of them told me about 5:2 Intermittent Fasting because I have been feeling down cause I have been reverting back to some old ways. Well basically what you do is "fast" 2 days out of the week 550 calories allowed in two meals spread 12 hours apart. The rest is water , water , water you can also have coffee black or tea. On the other 5 days you eat 1200 calories with no white breads or normal eating for a sleever. Protein and veggies some fruits low carbs. Well I started last week on Monday with a fasting day. That was a bit hard but I made it and stuck to it. I had a black iced coffee mixed with a vanilla protein drink for breakfast and then at dinner I had a taco salad with Ground beef , lettuce , cheese, tomatoe, black olives and low fat sour cream came out 552 calories for the day. Then Tuesday, Wednesday normal days didn't crave carbs or chocolate like I had been which was fabulous. Thursday my 2nd fasting day and it was a little easier I noticed on both days about noon which is my normal lunch time I would get a wave of panic and anxiety and think I am not going to make it at that point I'd facebook my sleeve group girls that where doing the 5:2 with me and try to stay extra busy. It lasted about an hour and then BAM a feeling of euphoria came over me. I would be so energized and goofy- I really think I drove my co-worker insane. It was probably one of the best feelings I have had for a while. So I know you want to hear about the #'s too. Well on Monday I weighed in 202 and on Friday my normal weight in day I was 194 HOLY HELL 7lbs since Monday are you kidding me!!! Crazy shit!! Now thats great shit thats AWESOME! but how it makes me feel is so much more rewarding for me right now. I feel powerful on fasting days like if I can do this I can do anything. It is so weird. So today is again a fasting day for me and can I just say a HELL of ALOT easier today. Not thinking nearly as much about food and really enjoying the extra time I have today during the afternoon to try and get things done at work. I am hoping for similar results this week maybe a little less weight loss but the fact I woke up this morning looking forward to a fasting day tells me this may be my way of life for a LONG time.
I had boot camp yesterday and woke up this morning sore as hell. So definately a good boot camp. Love feeling sore!!! I took it pretty easy last week on exercise cause my knee was bothering me and I think that it worked. My knee feels much better today and I got some well needed extra sleep last week. Maybe that helped too with my weight loss. This week I am back to a few days of the week working out early morning but I am just going to make sure I am in bed early enough.

Onederland , Onederland , oh yes Onederland!!!

I made it to Onederland!!! Hell yeah!!! I was so happy I cried! Total pounds lost 120. I still can't believe it and it amazes me everyday. There are times I pass the mirror and don't recognize myself. Now to get far enough below it I never can see 200 again... LOL it is never ending....
This journey has been amazing and I am beginning to finally see the end. My ultimate goal is 138 so 60 pounds left. Now I may hit 150 and feel like it is the magic # and if that happens I stop and smell the roses and begin my maintance.
This weekend was July 4th and I did extremely well at the 4th celebration. I didn't splurge like I use to. I had one small bite of a funnel cake, about 5 bites of a piece of pizza and then found a yummy sugar free snow cone to end my night out. JULY is one of the best months of the year!!! My absolute favorite cause of the Fireworks and because ...... its my birthday month!!! I am sure my husband is hearing it ring in his ear.... "its my birthday" its my birthday" I am such a goof ball. I am so excited for our vacation at the end of the month too. Going up to see my grandma in Wisconsin and spend some fun time in the Dells too. Can't wait. My Grandma hasn't seen me since I lost all this weight so I am sure that will be shocking for her. I also did my boot camp class both days this weekend and that was GREAT!!! My knee has been bothering me again but I pushed through it and went home and iced it. It does feel a bit better today. I have to baby it a few more days otherwise I may be asking for it. My goal this month is to sign up for a 5k so I can get another one under my belt.

Back wards!!!! Ahhh

So headed back up the scale again. Boo Hoo!!! I only have myself to blame on this though. Not eating strict but after a year in a half I am kinda sick of eating strict. But if I want to hit my goal I just need to stick to it. I go back and forth in my head and it sucks. I know everyone trying to lose does this. It can get so frustrating. This weekend was great!!! I went paddleboating with my husband for our date night and it was so cool. This is stuff we would have never done a year ago. So I look at that and it makes me feel good. I have to stop caring soooooooo much about what the scale says but it isn't easy since that is what is instilled in my head. Got to get to goal , doctors goal, my personal goal etc..... What's the goal a #!!! So fine a # well I know I will see it eventually and I am choosing to not dwell on how fast!!! Right now I am going to remember the accomplishments I have made in the last yr and a half. I am down 115 lbs and in a size 16 from a 28 back in December of 2012. I can run I can jump and I can ride amusement park rides...... and I am happier then I have been in years. I am teaching my kids and husband a better way to live!!! Healthy and Active!!! So I move on from here and just keep on keepin on!!!!

So Close to Onederland!!

Oh man this morning I stepped on the scale and that baby kept going back and forth 199 to 200. It eventually ended on 200.4 but OMG I was still so damn excited people would have thought I did hit the 199. I am so happy that it is finally going to happen. I have been eating a lot of fish the past two weeks and I just wonder if that is what it finally getting the scale to move. I also have been much stricter with my eating too. Oh and I started drinking coffee again....... Not sure if that is a good thing or bad but who knows if that has something to do with it too. It definately helps with the mindless snacking cause I am not hungry. I think I should see Onederland next week!!! Yay, I hope. Then I have to lose 4 more pounds to see it on the scale at the gym. So hopefully officially there by July.
I did start running a bit more now too cause I am out of therapy. I did a fitness test on Thursday in 27 mins actually 26.51. It was running .25 miles, 20 pushups and 20 situps. I ran 5.0 and 5.3 which was the fastest so far that I have ran. I was very happy with that. Last time I did the fitness test it was back before I broke my foot and I think I did it in 34 or 36 mins if I am remembering right. So shaved some time off there.
Today I start helping my friend with ALS from 1 to 5pm. I am so happy that I can help and that my mom is willing to watch the girls the extra time. I am a little nervous cause I don't want to get emotional I want to be strong for her. I am also nervous cause it is difficult to understand her and I don't like having to ask her to repeat herself. This will be good I am excited to spend some time with her and help her in anyway she needs.
I have had a stomach ache a lot this week so I am wondering if I do need to scale back on the coffee. It could be too much for it. I am not having any today so we will see how I feel.

June is here!

So found out today that I graduate from physical therapy on Friday!!! Whoo hoo, however I can't start running again until I can do 30 one leg squats in a row and 30 calf raises in a row. So going to be working hard on that. My physical therapist did give me a back to running schedule so I don't end up back there too soon. I started a little running on my own last week but I will be scaling back on that just so I don't get injured. I have at home or gym exercises I need to do. I can definately tell a difference in my quads they are stronger but I have to work on my hips they aren't so strong. I was told about a month more before he thinks I can run again. Boo hoo to that but I have to remain patient.
With all that being said I am being a bit defiant of his instructions because the past 2 weekends I have been taking a boot camp with my trainer and another trainer at a park near me and there is some running involved but not a ton. I absolutly love the boot camp. There was about 20 people both times I went and it kicks my butt and makes me feel energized for a few hours after wards. I haven't had any horrible pains from it and just stop and modify when I can't do something. I am being very cautious.
I still haven't seen much movement on my scale even with the extra stuff I am doing both exercise and food wise. I have cleaned up my food really good the past week stopped eating so much junk which for me means carbs and sugars. And nothing. :(    I will not let it defeat me , it will show up eventually. Looking forward to measurements this month because I am hoping to see it there.